lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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