dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm like, not good at living.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
