All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize