Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
