My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
