I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
