does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
