i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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