Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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