You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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