Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
now i know why i became what i already was.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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