I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
