Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
