The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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