I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
why do cheetos always look like penises
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
