so explain again why im purple
no
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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