he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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