He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
