why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
