So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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