she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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