Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize