Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I just sharted jello shots
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
