I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
