I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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