Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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