Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
