I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize