Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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