My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
