Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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