I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
