you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
