its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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