I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
