note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
