I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize