Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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