And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
