8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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