can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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