Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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