His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
