gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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