My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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