'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
