Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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