dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
