So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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