Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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