Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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