every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We have so much sex to catch up on
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize