i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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