I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
