remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
