we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
