so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
