My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was confusing and full of hummus
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
