xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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