We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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