I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
