belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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