I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
