so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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