my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
