but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
