return my video game
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
