Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
